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Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens) 1835-1910

American writer

'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer'...was made by Mr Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) ch. 1

'Pilgrim’s Progress', about a man that left his family it didn’t say why The statements was interesting, but tough.
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) ch. 17

Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? and ain’t that a big enough majority in any town?
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884) ch. 26

If there was two birds setting on a fence, he would bet you which one would fly first.
The Celebrated Jumping Frog (1867) p. 10

I don’t see no p’ints about that frog that’s any better’n any other frog.
The Celebrated Jumping Frog (1867) p. 16

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
A Curious Dream (1872) 'Facts concerning the Recent Resignation'

Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.
A Curious Dream (1872) 'Mental Photographs'

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
A Curious Dream (1872) -A Mysterious Visit-

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. Following the Equator (1897) ch. 7. Cf. Armstrong 1

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either of them.
Following the Equator (1897) ch. 20

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don’t read.

Following the Equator (1897) ch. 25. Cf. Twain’s speech to the 19th Century Club in New York, 20 Nov. 1900, in Speeches (1910) p. 194: 'It’s a classic, just as Professor [Caleb] Winchester says, and it meets his definition of a classic 'something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.'

Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.
Following the Equator (1897) ch. 27

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
Following the Equator (1897) ch. 28

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.
Following the Equator (1897) ch. 36

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean.
Following the Equator (1897) ch. 39

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. Following the Equator (1897) ch. 45

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
The Innocents Abroad (1869) ch. 7

Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!
The Innocents Abroad (1869) ch. 27. Cf. Ustinov 5

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Pudd’nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 7

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
Pudd’nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 10

Put all your eggs in the one basket, and-WATCH THAT BASKET. Pudd’nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 15

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Pudd’nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 19

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races.
Pudd’nhead Wilson (1894) ch. 19

The report of my death was an exaggeration.
New York Journal 2 June 1897  (usually quoted -Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated-)

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Letter to Mrs Foote, 2 December 1887, in B. DeCasseres When Huck Finn Went Highbrow (1934)

Familiarity breeds contempt-and children.
Notebooks (1935) p. 237

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
Notebooks (1935) p. 67

Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!
The Innocents Abroad (1869) ch. 27. Cf. Ustinov 5