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Looking for funny quotations? Here are some of the quotations that we have come across - that might prove helpful. They have been listed in the order of popularity. Please submit your own funny quotations to us and we will add it to our growing database. This topic of is very important with many well-known people quoting in it. Just look at the long list that we have below. You can use these funny quotations at various situations and events - they even come in handy in day to day conversation as many will attest. We hope that the quotations given below were what you we looking for if what you require is not here please send us an e-mail we might be able to locate a suitable quote for your unique purpose. We hope you enjoyed your visit to this site.
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort
to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and
chemistry. Conscience: the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking. Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry
later. For another thing, they die earlier. Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of
the improbable. When women kiss it always reminds one of prize-fighters shaking hands. All quotations above H L Mencken A friend told him that the particular drink he was drinking was slow
poison, and he replied, 'So who’s in a hurry?' Be thankful we're not getting all the government
we're paying for. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too
dark to read. I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there
was so little of it. Coffee isn't my cup of tea. I do benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a
technicality. My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he
gave me six months more Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined She got her looks from her father; he's a plastic surgeon First the doctor told me the good news, I was going to have a disease named
after me Only lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempted from jury
duty A layer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the
truth A competent lawyer can delay a case months or even years. A competent
yawyer can delay a case even longer. Few great men could have got past personnel. When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of this mess, he
thought for a long time and said, "Yeas, death would help" I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing. The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience. More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back
taxes, back rent, back auto payments. Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere. I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true. That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject
which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear
serious examination is false wit. Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human
does. All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl. Total absence of humor renders life impossible. Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke
about a father-in-law? A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with
people, of getting things done. Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and
the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind. Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke. The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only
limitations those of libel. The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world;
the humorist makes fun of himself. Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is
good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our
irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing
blood. Humor is just another defense against the universe. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer
and die. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred. Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no
learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit. Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. Humor is also a way of saying something serious. There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) |
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